Holiday Stress Can Mess With Your Brain

Stress messes with your brain all the time.

Science confirms that:

• 75% of all visits to primary physicians are for complaints that have stress as an underlying cause.
• Emotional stress, when unrelieved, raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol and adrenaline, elevates hormones and brain chemicals throughout your body and becomes physical as well as psychological.
• The psychological-physical stress can cycle and eventually spiral out of control with profound effects on your physical and mental health.
• Stress triggers inflammatory responses that can lead to a host of chronic diseases of aging, including heart disease, joint pain, diabetes and even Alzheimer’s disease and certain types of cancer.

Holiday stress seems to have unique escalating effects, perhaps because we just expect it and perhaps because there is a sort of mass buy-in to the expectation that we’ll all be stressed out of our minds trying to deal with everything that needs to be done before the end of the year.

I know. Just these four bullet point above are a hard lump to swallow and may even add to your stress. That’s not my intention at all.

I’m here to help you understand in plain English –no mind-blowing scientific gobbledygook–the underlying mechanisms that are taking place and give you practical ways to stop the cycle and de-stress yourself.

What happens when you’re stressed? You may not always recognize it.

• Perhaps you snapped at your spouse for leaving the cap off the toothpaste tube or your kids for being too slow on the morning journey out the door.
• Maybe you forgot an important meeting or left your credit card in the reader at the supermarket.
• Maybe it gets really serious. You were in such a fog that you forgot to pick the pick the kids up at school or you walked out of the Dollar Store without paying.
• Maybe you simply cannot make a choice whether to cook chicken or fish or dinner or whether to order dessert at a restaurant.

These are all classic signs of stress:

• Irritability
• Forgetfulness
• Brain fog
• Indecision

When you are stressed, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Think of the cave man being chased by a saber-toothed tiger. His only goal in life is to survive. Adrenaline kicks in and his heart rate speeds up. Non-essential systems like digestion and the immune system shut down. Who needs to digest food or fight off a cold if you might be dead in 30 seconds? Blood flow is increased to the arms, legs and brain for fighting, running and strategizing. Blood glucose levels increase to increase energy.

Now imagine how destructive those survival mechanisms become if the fight-or-flight response never goes away.

It’s easy to see the problem of an eternally increased heart rate, decreased blood flow to vital organ systems, elevated blood sugar and suppressed digestive and immune system. That’s exactly what our pedal to the metal lifestyle is doing to all of us.

Now add in the seasonal stress of what to get Aunt Hattie or resisting your kids’ pleas for the latest phone that is way outside your budget or figuring out how to re-erect the tree knocked over by rowdy dogs 15 minutes before your holiday party begins or discovering your spouse helped himself to the dip meant for the party.

The first step is recognizing there is a problem. The second is doing something about it.

I’ve included enough examples here that I’m sure you can picture yourself in at least one of them. So, own it.  We’re all stressed daily and especially at the holidays. No exceptions.

Here are some simple say to break the cycle and preserves your mental and physical health:

1. Minimize
2. Delegate
3. Take daily time for yourself

Minimize:

Nobody’s holidays need to be a Cecil B. DeMille production. You are not Martha Stewart. If your religious tradition calls for a tree, by all means have one. One. One simple tree (not the size of the one at the White House). Add a wreath on the door or a beautiful candelabra and that is enough. The family can gather to put up decorations and clean up afterwards, all the while drinking hot chocolate and singing holiday songs.

Minimize gift giving. Last year, I read a golden rule for gift giving that really resonated with me. Everybody gets four gifts: Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. That’s four gifts in total, not four gifts for each parent and grandparent and aunt and uncle and cousin. We all have too much “stuff,” a great deal of it unneeded, unwanted and unused. Who needs that 99^th sweater anyway? Our family has adopted this policy this year. As a year-round shopper for holiday gifts, I can say it has already lightened my stress load substantially. My shopping is pretty much done and it’s not even November yet. It’s even more fun to give experiences rather than “things.” That has long been a policy we’ve used with our grandchildren in hopes of helping them make memories.

 Delegate:

You know that huge holiday dinner? In my case, it’s my husband’s insistence on turkey AND ham and all the trimmings. (Yes, he does help!) Then there are always a few last minute additions to the guest list. If you really like something special for the holidays and lasagna or tacos just won’t cut it, great. Make it a pot luck! Ask all attendees to bring a specific dish, even kids, who can easily do some of those slice-and-bake cookies or set the table (with supervision depending on their age). I’ve done this for the past two years and it allows me to enjoy a leisurely breakfast and relax rather than spending the entire day cooking and slumping in my chair at the dinner table. Then, of course, everyone helps clean up. Many hands make light work.

Side note: This year we are going out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving.

I’ve always loved having a holiday get together for neighbors. I’ve finally discovered it doesn’t have to be elaborate. It’s the fellowship that counts. I can buy some beer and a few bottles of wine and ask the neighbors to bring finger foods and we’re done. I might even splurge by having someone else clean the house just before the party.

Take daily time for yourself

This the inviolable caveat. Ignore it at your peril! I mean this lightly, but seriously.

Block out at least 15 minutes a day just for yourself, more it at all possible.

If you work and have kids, it’s hard, I know. Hopefully your partner can take over and you can pay back the favor. My rule was Do Not Disturb during that time unless someone was bleeding or the house was on fire. Anything else could wait 15 minutes

No partner? Can you arrange to have those 15 minutes for yourself after the school bus picks them up. You are not a bad parent if you don’t drive your kids to school! If your kids are old enough to be less closely supervised for 15 minutes, make the Me Time for everyone.

That won’t work? Take those minutes before your bedtime after the kids are asleep.

A hot bath, a cup of tea, a few minutes with a good book or some music you love will go a long way toward breaking the stress cycle and keeping you on track at the holidays and all year long.